Recovering from an Affair

Dealing with issues of infidelity are never easy but if a couple wants to stay together, it is essential to deal with the issue from the beginning of discovery with a well-trained therapist. “Recovery” from an affair is possible if both are seriously committed to being together, rebuilding trust, recommitting to each other and finding the commitment and desire you once had together. It is also essential for both persons to do some intensive individual work to understand how they got to this point in their relationship and what they want as they move forward.  

What I’ve heard when someone is seeking therapy after an affair is exposed

My spouse had an affair and I want to stay

My spouse had an affair and I don’t know what I want to do

I had an affair and want to save my marriage

My spouse had an affair and I’m ready for divorce

My spouse had an affair, I want to stay, and I don’t know how to trust them anymore

My affair was an escape from my reality at home and I don’t know if there’s a chance at repairing my marriage

Our children have heard us fight about the affair 

I don’t know how to get over their affair. I can’t move past it. I can’t stop thinking about them together 

I want my spouse back and ready to recommit to our marriage

I can’t stand my spouse and need to be better for my kids as we go through our divorce

Their affair has made me question everything we had before

It was only a one-night stand/a prostitute but I still can’t get over it

Their affair lasted for years. Now what?

Whenever an individual or couple sees me for their 1st session there is usually much to unravel.  What happened?  What brought you to this point in your relationship? Do you both want to work on your marriage? Do you want to create a “new” marriage with each other? Is your affair over? Are you wanting out of your marriage? 

One thing I ask is for couples to try to come into session with is an open mind to healing, an openness to communicate, honesty, vulnerability, and kindness.  There is no way to “fix” what you two have gone through if this isn’t present.  If we need to find them during our sessions, let’s do that together.  When there’s commitment to the process, we will get somewhere.